Frozen
by The Magic Catgirl
Summary: Sometimes, Yusa wishes her life would be different, that something else had changed everything. Sometimes her pain is too much to handle, and she found a way to deal with her emotional pain. But it does herself more harm than help. She is frozen on a path of despair. Can anyone help her find light?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Welcome to my first Angel Beats story, Frozen. I posted the story as a one-shot a few months back, and it never got a single review. Probably got bumped down by all of the "Yay, Otonashi and Kanade are together again!" stories that this place seems to have a neverending supply of. Two things before we get started: if you're going to favorite or follow, please review, and leave a review that has a bit more than "I really liked it". Secondly, this actually started out as a story for Warriors, of all things, that my friend wrote. I asked if I could adapt it to Angel Beats, and she gave me the go-ahead. This idea belongs to her. Now, let's get started.**

**_Prolouge_**

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb. Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold. Until you find it there and lead it back home..._

)~0~(

The tiny child rested against her mother's warm belly, smiling softly. The mother smiled, gazing at her only daughter. Bright light streamed through from the hole in the roof. A scent of fresh meat wafted in as a broad man ducked under the sagging door. He smelled of the winter breezes outside, returning back to the home that he and his family resided in.

"That looks delicious," the mother sighed, inhaling the warm, cooked scent.

"Yes. Although I had to get it from...them," he replied, settling down.

The mother's eyes widened in fear. "The Demons? You know we don't have enough money left over from the rent to deal with them!" she gasped, huddling closer to the small baby.

"I know, but I went with several other neighbors who will watch our backs for us. We're fine, Hina," he responded, unflappable.

"Okay, I'll trust you," Hina mumbled in a soft voice. Her eyes flickered to the dirty streets outside as she picked up a fork and took a small bite of the meat. Fat drizzled down from her teeth as she savored the meaty taste. Her husband lowered his knife to take a few bites as well.

A terrified scream pierced the air, silencing the warm thoughts throughout the home. Terror pounded in the couples' hearts as they jumped to their feet. Stricken, they both raced for the bedroom, where Hina's husband kept his shotgun.

"Grab the baby!" he hissed, darting outside.

Hina wrapped her daughter in the warmest blanket she could find and hurried outside. Alarm filled her thoughts as she imagined the terror that could be awaiting. Nightmares seemed to spring to life as thoughts whirled past.

The tiny child squealed, dangling, as she opened her eyes for the first time. Confused, the vivid images blurred into clear shapes and colors. A strange sensation tingled through her blood as she tried to comprehend the scene.

Hina shrieked, a shrill, piercing sound. Along with her husband, two other men were fighting members of the Demons, a street gang who went after anyone who couldn't pay them the ridiculous prices they charged for food and shelter. Their jaws were parted in insane laughter. Their beady eyes glared, darting back and forth to predict and measure the weak offenses thrown at them. Useless attempt after attempt failed to even faze the thugs who ran this part of Tokyo.

Hina dropped her child near a dumpster and blindly ran after her husband. Worry and fear seized her mind, refusing to release.

One Demon turned to Hina's husband, seeming to grin with enthusiasm. Advancing slowly, he held up his gun. The bullet easily ripped through the soft muscle, shredding it into bits. Blood immediately followed, pouring onto the ground in an ocean. Life had already left, before Hina's husband even fell onto the ground.

"No!" Hina screamed in agony. "No!"

She raced over, giving up. She didn't even feel anything as the bullet crushed her rib cage and, ultimately, her life. It drained away as her eyes closed and glazed; a sob emitted from her parted mouth.

The tiny child watched as both her parents were brutally killed. Filled with shock, she only squealed as one of her family's neighbors grabbed her and raced away, hitting her occasionally against their chest.

"Mommy!" she cried, reaching her arm towards the corpse. Her first word.


	2. Chapter 2

Yusa awoke, feeling the cramps stretch out of her legs. Cold and gloom greeted her, just as welcoming. Shivers ran up and down her spine as the air conditioning ruffled her clothes. Her eyes ached from sleepless nights; this night hadn't fully recovered her.

She looked out into the streets of Tokyo, a steady drizzle forming a beat on her windowpane. Sounds of other people bounced around her, but she ignored them all, beginning her usual morning routine. Squeals of playing children and laughing couples reached her ears, hardening her eyes even more. Disgust choked up in her as she hurried more now, to get away from the glee and mirth.

Yusa ignored the apple on the kitchen counter and walked out into the street, away from the happiness of other people. Seeing and hearing the blessed and ungrateful children was too much to bear. They could play with their parents, enjoy the company. She had lived a life with foster parents, never remembering her biological ones except for that last glance of their mangled and bloody bodies. The images haunted her, but it was the last thought and memory she could cling to.

_If only my parents could have lived! Why did mine have to die?_ Despair coursed through her as she wished her life was different.

"If they had to die, why did I live? Why couldn't I have died with them as well?" she muttered.

Memories flashed back to her, paining her even more. She could remember the sorrowful days as she lay, recovering, in the warmth of the hospital. Her fraud mother coming to adopt her before an orphanage could scoop her up. Memories of the conceited children at school whispering to each other, gossiping about this new girl with the dead parents. Sympathy was common; a sickening thought. Why bring up such a horrible event? She did her best to hide from the truth and forget it, but the other people made it all too difficult.

Yusa felt a sob break through her chest. She wished she could stop the emotional pains from wrecking her body. If only there was a way to divert her attention to something else. Sometimes, remembering her life was too much.

Not to mention, her current life was awful. She had no friends, and didn't try to, for she never could trust anyone. Her foster parents were strict and didn't allow much, and often she went for over a day without a meal, for their greed and paranoia over their money. Loneliness had become her only friend, and one she was proud of. Who else could say they had befriended this being?

Yusa jumped to her feet and blindly sprinted down the path to her school. She hated dwelling on her thoughts so frequently, but with no one else there for her, she often found herself remembering her awful memories. As her feet gripped the ground, she slipped, and a piece of glass slashed across her hand. Her skin stung as a drop of blood shimmered onto her sleeve.

"Ow!" she exclaimed in surprise.

As she turned to examine her wound, she was struck with a realization. The physical pain had completely halted her train of thought about her depression! Halting, Yusa gazed at the shattered glass lining the street. Nobody else was in sight. Could she really do this?

Closing her eyes, she scraped her hand against the prickly glass. A searing sensation danced through the scrapes. Blood encircled the welt. Yusa groaned, focusing on the pain that raced through her. She watched the salty-smelling blood as it slowly slid from her hand onto the ground, staining the asphalt street.

She had found an escape at last.


	3. Chapter 3

**Just a quick note: I don't endorse cutting whatsoever. I think it's stupid and selfish. It ruined a friendship I had with a girl two years ago, and I haven't heard from her since her parents pulled her out of school. I hate it when people act like it's cool, because I remember a kid in 5th Grade who almost died from it. He was ten. It ruins your life, so please don't mutilate your body. There are better ways to deal with the emotions inside of you.**

Yusa awoke, feeling an ugly, bright stream of light shine into her eyes. She shifted away from it, sensing her foster parents outside her bedroom door. She opened her eyes, feeling a yawn sift through her throat. They had no idea what they had gotten her into, and they couldn't get her out. Not now.

Not able to sleep again, she rose to her feet and began getting dressed, yawning loudly. She stormed outside and sat down gloomily, watching people pass by. None passed her a look, just glanced at each other and veered away from her path. What had she done to make all these people avoid her?

Yusa dropped onto her haunches, coughing as dust drifted down her throat. The sun seemed to dance in the sky, blinding her with excruciatingly happy sunshine. The laughs of other people dragged her down. When was the last time she had laughed? She couldn't even remember. All she could remember was the drowning sorrow, the hateful guilt, and the lonely pangs. And even if she tried, nobody wanted anything to do with the depressed girl, the motherless and fatherless girl, the girl that wanted nothing to do with anyone, the girl that only sulked. But Yusa had reasons to sulk, reasons she found legitimate enough. Her family was stolen from her, her life ruined. Her foster parents disapproved of her, and even were embarrassed of their foster daughter. No one wanted to be her friend.

She groaned as she heard people throughout the neighborhood stir. Bracing herself, she wiped any expression from her face and waited. Her steely eyes seemed to chill the air as she glared through it.

"Yusa, what are you going to eat?" her foster mother, Sakura, called.

"Nothing," Yusa grumbled, turning away. The tips of her hair soaked in the puddles on the ground.

Sakura and her husband, Hiroto, walked out of the house together. Their hands brushed affectionately as they hustled over. "What do you mean, nothing?" Hiroto growled.

"I'm not hungry, that's all," she replied coldly.

The silence between them only made the situation worse. Her indifference angered her parents as they tried to force something else out of her. Their tactics hadn't worked all these years, yet they continued to try. It was beginning to unnerve Yusa.

"Look, Yusa, you seriously need to change your attitude. I, my wife, and everyone else here is sick and tired of you sulking around and ruining everyone's moods. You don't agree to anything, and refuse to be happy and make friends. You need to rethink your priorities, because someday, we two will die and you will be alone," Hiroto snapped.

"I pretty much am alone, and would much rather be more so! I have reasons to not want friends, and those are all your fault!" Yusa returned, feeling her father's insults sting. She didn't try to ruin anyone's mood, they just happened to stumble across her.

"How is it our fault?" he returned.

"You didn't have to adopt me! I might as well have died in that hospital, because I feel dead now! All the other kids gossip about me having no parents, and I can't remember anything except for my parents covered in blood. I'm constantly haunted by nightmares, and no one even deserves my love!"

Sakura gasped, her fists clenching. Anger flashed in her eyes as she dared Yusa to keep going. "I'm sick of it, and that's that. You should be grateful you're alive, because not everyone has the privilege to be," Yusa hissed, stalking away.

Yusa felt her heart tear into two pieces. She hated her life, and they had no idea how hard it was to constantly live knowing you're no one. As for happiness, it was an overrated feeling, in her opinion. It was never dependable; the slightest thing could end it for a little while, or for forever. Sorrow was always there; it would always be the needing shoulder. One event could turn over to lament, for eternity.

Feeling the wind sting against her face, Yusa pelted into the depths of the city. The sidewalks scraped against the soles of her bare feet and dust coughed up in her throat, but she kept going. She stopped beside the shattered glass, staring at the shards that mocked her. Shivers ran down her spine.

"I can't do this," she whispered. "So why do I feel like I need to?"

She glanced down at the white scars on her hand that were beginning to fade away. Memoirs of pain seemed to lace deep inside of them. "Why did I do this?" she choked, trying to remember. Even so, it had seemed so extreme, so uncalled for, that it shocked her. Had it been worth it?

Yusa stared at the glass, trying to break away. Soon, she began to remember herself as a young child. It had been a year since she was adopted.

_"Yusa, we have something to say to you," Sakura murmured, nervousness glimmering in her eyes._

_She looked up expectantly, quiet and sad. Her skin prickled with uneasiness as she waited. Watching Hiroto come in, realization struck that something was wrong._

_"Look, Yusa, you know how we've been caring for you? Well, we're not your parents. We adopted you after your parents were killed by a street gang. The men were arrested, but your parents were already dead by the time an ambulance arrived," Hiroto explained, his voice cracking._

_Yusa nodded, unable to speak. This would explain the horrid pictures of mangled bodies, and why she felt so sorrowful for no reason. Her mind had tried to keep the incident behind her, but left only the feelings. Her hands began to tremble as she gazed at the two large adults._

_"I know," she croaked, every particle of her spirit and every sound of her voice laced with grief._

_This had been her first memory, aside from the brutal pictures planted into her mind._

Yusa trembled, pulling socks out of her bag and putting them on. Unable to control her actions, she felt pain sear through her hands and arms. Squinting, she tried not to acknowledge what she had done, again. But as she felt the blood run down her clothes, Yusa knew. She hated her life.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorrow wrapped the depths of Yusa's heart. Swathing it with its power, it refused to let go. A hollow ache pounded through her heart, with the morose stream of blood through her veins.

The day had seemed such a blur, as Yusa gazed at the red scratches across her arms. She could barely remember ever inflicting these, as if she had not even been there to do so. The marks resembled the sorrow that delved into her like the glass that literally had.

The memories had plagued her to the point that it was impossible not to think about them. Why couldn't they leave? She wished they would, with all the heart that she had left. But no, they stayed, cutting deeper and deeper into her. Even with all the passing time, day after day, the memories were imprinted into her mind, forever.

Yusa turned away from the shattered glass, realizing she had been staring at it for quite some time. Stepping away, she could barely feel her feet hit the ground as she walked. However, she could feel the tremor that vibrated in her weak legs. Focusing on her weak walking, she managed to think about something other than her constant emotional agony.

The surroundings that soon came into view was the river at the edge of the city. Its cold currents raged beneath the thin layer of ice that constantly cracked under the pressure beneath. The water swirled into black depths of doom. A soft drizzle strengthened the hard core of ice that gradually grew above the river, then was shot through by a blast of water pressure.

Yusa realized with horror how easily the river could take a life away. The strong currents would easily sweep and overpower a fifteen-year-old girl fighting for her life. The surface would slowly slip away as the girl slipped beneath the waves. She choked, "Why am I thinking about this?"

Still glued to the spot, her eyes were fixed on the river. The whirling rapids seemed to draw her in, edging her closer. "No!" she whispered to herself, turning away. Her feet seemed to fight every step that led her back to the city. They grew as heavy as lead, slowing her down inch by inch. Even the rain unleashed its wrath, turning the winds to face against her. It seemed that destiny wanted her dead. The river wanted her as a meal. She had to face it; it was meant to be.

"You said it yourself," Yusa whispered, shaking. "You hate your life, and no one would mind if you died. There's no one here to help you, Yusa."

The realization panged her. Nobody would mind if she slipped into the river and merely drowned. No one would feel any love for her if she was missed at all. Her death probably wouldn't even be noticed. But it was fine with her, all the easier to die. She wouldn't feel the ties of loyalty that bound most people to their eternal bond; life. But life wasn't eternal, it always ended. Why not end it now, before the pain grew to a peak?

Inhaling deeply, bracing herself for the trip of a lifetime, Yusa spun around and felt herself swept to the edge of the river. Her feet dug into the soft ground as the rapids loomed below her, daring her to jump in. Shaking, she told herself that no one cared. In fact, she didn't even care herself. There was no respect for herself that lingered anymore, not after everything she'd seen.

Taking her last breath, Yusa felt the ground beneath her feet slip away. A sharp pain struck her as the ice beneath her shattered and sunk. A splash pounded through her ears as her body sunk into the rapids. Writhing, the river carried her more and more downstream. Opening her eyes, she watched the surface darken and fly above her. A smile lit onto her mouth. A sorrowful and knowing smile. As she closed her eyes to accept her death, water filling her lungs, she felt a last sensation of a hand closing around her shirt.

**No, this is not the end of the story.**


	5. Chapter 5

Yusa felt a raw ache in her throat and nose. Hands pressed against her stomach. Heaving, she opened her eyes.

In a flash, she remembered the suffocating blanket of water that had pulled her into its depths. She could feel her sorrow as water filled her lungs, the last pocket of air gone. What had happened?

Yusa snapped back to reality, gazing into the eyes of an unfamiliar older teenager. Worry glazed his eyes as he loomed over her. His feet were sunken into the thick layer of mud at the end of the rapids.

"What happened?" he asked.

What should she tell him? There was no way she could tell anybody the truth, let alone a stranger who she didn't even know. Frantically thinking of an excuse, Yusa blurted, "I slipped and fell into the water."

Her response earned an uneasy stare. How much had he seen? Either way, she wasn't going to tell him. Lies were the perfect way to go into this situation. The only clear path.

"I saw you jump," the teenager hesitantly responded.

Panic pulsed in her blood as she stared back at him. She had to convince him that he'd seen it wrong. No, she hadn't been trying to kill herself.

"Well, you saw wrong," she snapped harshly.

Yusa felt her feet itch to stalk away. Undecided, she ended up stumbling in an awkward stagger across the ground. The cold numbed her hands as she trudged back to the city. Dread filled her as she hoped that he wouldn't spread any rumors about her. Life was already miserable enough without another topic to have her gossiped about.

The teenager ran after her. As he caught up, he said, "I'm Takumi. What's your name?"

Why should she give that away? It's not like she wanted to see him again. "Yusa." She continued down the path without missing a beat.

"Nice to meet you," Takumi offered, almost sounding like a question.

Without responding, Yusa picked up her pace through the streets. To her relief, he stayed behind, watching her. The ache in her throat and nose strengthened as she sharply inhaled the bitter air. Rain fell down from the sky in somber drops, fluttering and soaking the tips of her already-drenched clothes.

She stopped beside the shattered glass, beginning to breathe heavily in terror. Her life had almost been taken from her. Luck had decided to spite her and grab her out of the reach of the currents. She could have never again taken a breath of fresh air, never again sink her teeth into food.

Was this good? After all, she'd been trying to die, and had failed. Still shocked, Yusa couldn't believe the raw pain of her depression. It had been strong enough to cause her to desire death. Strong enough to want her to feel her lungs expand with water and her life slip away. And she'd been so close to it...

What would death be like? What would have changed if she had died? Dread and curiosity filled her core as she thought about it. How willing was she to keep trying to die? She supposed she would wait until the truth was exposed about her mysterious savior. Why was he even there, and why would he care to save her? She was a nobody, a mere figure that showed what it was like to be depressed, an example of sorrow. Nothing more.

Feeling her feet grow heavy and exhausted, Yusa began to trudge back to where her foster parents probably were, not caring where she was at all. No matter; she didn't care about them either. They would probably love for her to die.

The rain slapped wildly into her face as she plodded down the street. The cold began to numb at her muscles, stinging with shocks of ice. Her breaths hardened and seemed to choke her. Her stomach knotted up with grief. She squeezed her eyes, ignoring the pain that seemed to ebb everywhere, emotionally and physically.

At last, her neighborhood came into view. As Yusa slipped between the houses, she noticed a group of young girls. Glancing her way, they giggled and sneaked away. Passing sneaky glances at her, they examined Yusa's clothes, the way her eyes were downcast, anything.

Trying her best to ignore them, she stalked, stiff-legged, into her house, slamming her bedroom door. As she closed her eyes, blocking out their mocking laughter, she thought, _Why couldn't I have died?_


	6. Chapter 6

Yusa could feel the critical eyes boring into her soul. Their whispering lies and secrets passed on to one another. Their snickers replayed in her mind as the girls walked away, casting disdainful sneers her way.

Trying to stop the pain from ripping at her heart, Yusa turned to her house, dragging her feet through the the puddles in the street. Soft raindrops soaked into her soft clothes. Sparkles seemed to drift down from the gray clouds above. Ignoring the pleasing drops that floated onto the world, she found herself, once again, closing herself into her thoughts. Drowned by the regret of everything she'd ever done, all she could see were those distorted girls. Their jeers cackled in her mind.

As Yusa opened her eyes, she saw glances of pity from the adults. Fighting anger, she realized that she didn't want hatred nor sympathy towards her. She wished that people would leave her alone, as if she were a normal tree. If only she could blend into the world, disappearing forever, but in her own mind. Nothing sorrowful would occur if she just lived in her own paradise. She would be like the soft clumps of grass; there, but not noticed.

Affection didn't necessarily appeal to her either. It seemed that any kind words were laced with a hatred, a hidden meaning. Either that, or the owners of the caring murmurs would disappear from her life forever. Her parents. She couldn't let anyone else love her. By that time, it could be too late, just as it almost was this day. Just one more second of time would have changed her fate. But she'd been saved...

Hours passed as wind whipped the rain through her, but Yusa only sat planted onto the ground. People passed by her, but her expression remained blank, almost as if she were dead. Perhaps she was dead inside. At least, that's what she believed of herself. A hollow shell of loneliness.

Finally broken by the curse that had rooted her to her place, Yusa hauled herself to her feet, shaking with hunger. Staggering forward, she found herself tripping her way to the main part of the city. She couldn't stand it any longer. Why couldn't she have died? Anger swirled inside of her.

The shattered glass mocked her as she strolled past. The rain blinded her, flitting into her eyes. The wind swirled through her ears, whistling in soft screeches. Braving through the storm that pushed against her, she felt a hollow feeling stiffen in her heart. Half-closing her eyes, shivers racked her shoulders.

Without controlling her emotions or thoughts, she felt the familiar slicing through her hands. Small drops slowly slid down her palms. Pain racked her mind, but a smile still loosened onto her face. A soft sigh released as she could focus on the physical pain, rather than emotional heartbreak.

A voice broke through her delusional thoughts. "Yusa? Is that you?" it choked.

Spinning around, eyes wide, Yusa gaped at Takumi, the teenager she'd met earlier that day. Or was it already a new day? Confused and shocked, she backed away. She couldn't deny it now. Stuttering, she felt the wounds open as she backed up, slowly whimpering.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed, taking a shaky step forward, not able to pry his eyes from the blood leaking from her cuts. The crimson stains followed her trail. Turning around, she broke into a sprint, running away from the truth that was witnessed. How could she not have noticed?

"Come back!" he growled, easily gaining on her through the storm. Knocking her over, Yusa tried to squirm away from him as he pressed her against the soaked trees. Coughing and trying to escape, her eyes glimmered with emotions.

"So it's true that you were trying to kill yourself? You didn't fall, did you?" Takumi growled.

Her eyes told him the answer as she gazed into his. As he released his grip, he asked, "Why did you do it?"

Finally answering, but turning away in fear of his reaction, she whispered, "You wouldn't understand."

His gaze followed hers as she walked off into the rain. Her shape soon blurred, followed by the whirling wrath of rain. The air seemed to chill even more as Yusa left, her presence disappearing in the misty wall of ice and rain.


	7. Chapter 7

The storm began to enrage even more behind her. The rain swirled, almost completely darkening the sky. The soft splash underfoot soon soaked her socks. The rain was gray, blurring the entire scene. The clouds covered the sky, foreboding. Tree branches whipped, slashing through the air. Small twigs littered the ground as they were swept from their stick, but soon to be covered by a thick layer of water.

A heaviness filled Yusa's heart as she tried to trudge through, feeling the resistance in each sluggish step. How dare this strange teenager, Takumi, try to fix her? How dare he even pry into her dark secrets? Who was he to do this?

Trying to ignore the thoughts that plowed through her conscience, she fixed her gaze on a gazebo several yards in front of her. Squinting her eyes, she peered through the rampaging storm, attempting to not lose her destination. Yusa felt a cold numbing crawl through her skin and muscles, threatening to overtake her. She couldn't let it win; she had to make it to the gazebo.

Her limbs shook, not able to take the pressure of clinging onto the ground, carrying a weighted body through foot-long puddles. Her nose had gone numb, freezing from the outside. Twigs bounced onto the ground in front of her. Their frail wooden structure was shaky and twisted. Leaves unattached themselves from their core, shriveled and brown. These trees had lost all hope. Just like Yusa.

With a shock, Yusa glanced up from gazing at the unimportant stick. Peering through the wall of rain, she realized that she couldn't see the gazebo she'd been fixated on. Now, she could see nothing but the whirling storm. She could only feel the rain freeze her gradually, working towards her death. She could only smell cold ice, hearing only the thunder. Anything unrelated to the storm was hidden from her, daring her to keep going, begging her to walk to her own death.

Suddenly, her thoughts flickered to Takumi. Yusa wondered if he had made it. Surely he didn't know the city as well as her. But no one could at this point in time. All she could pray for was that she didn't happen to meet up with him. Being alone was her haven, even her heaven, a paradise free of others. But she couldn't just curl up to be a rock in the midst of the storm. If she wouldn't freeze to death, she would be swept or away or crushed by flailing tree branches. And the last shelter was lost to her sight.

Heaving a large sigh of disappointment and contempt, Yusa squinted and walked in a random direction, hoping for the best. The first sight of a tree or bush to crawl to would be the end of her journey. Her hopeless journey. _No, not hopeless. It can't be hard to just find a tree. It's Tokyo, after all._

Hours seemed to pass, but common sense cried out that it was only a few minutes. But who was Yusa to listen to her common sense? So far, it had only harmed and disoriented her even more. Either way, hunger was gnawing in the inside of her, and she was still lost. Refusing to give up the last hope she had, but the first hope in a long time, she hung onto the thought that somewhere, there would be a tree.

For once, it seemed that her hopes were true, as a looming tree grew into the gazebo. Eyes shining, she felt her feet lighten as they raced over the surface of the soaked ground. The gazebo blocked out many drops of rain as they took the heat, the pummeling. Its roof curled above the rain and welcomed her into the dark enclosure.

As a tad bit of warmth wiggled through her icy skin, a familiar feeling hit her. Widening her eyes, she found herself nose to nose with Takumi, crunched up on the tiny bench. Choking, she writhed away, hitting herself against the side of the gazebo. A slight dizziness eroded away at her conscience as she wobbled to her feet, stunned.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped, voice void of all emotion.

"Same as you. Sheltering," he replied. His eyes softened, as if he could see through her masquerade, her play. Like he could see the girl that was locked away.

Tightening up, Yusa avoided his gentle gaze and crushed herself into the side of the small sanctuary. A warning dared to rumble in her throat, her fingers twitching. The cold pricked into her skin, stabbing it with miniature claws. Refusal to acknowledge Takumi filled her, pressing her away from him. She stared at the ridges of the wood, pretending to be greatly interested in the swirls. Small patterns arose from the inside of the bench, lacing themselves in small circles of brown shades. Scratches dotted the hollow underside. Studying the design, Yusa gently scraped the wood.

She was broken out of her daze as Takumi brusquely asked, "So why would you do that?" His voice glimmered with concern, though it was ignored by her.

"Because I had to," was her gruff answer. She still didn't meet his gaze.

"No you didn't. Why would you stoop to that level? It's..." He broke off, appearing stunned. What was so shocking about this matter of life? Sometimes you can't control yourself, and that was the situation here.

"You don't know what my life is like," Yusa whispered, trembling. Her voice was laced with fear, shaking with her body. Her nails dug into the cold wood, as if to hang on to reality.

"No I don't, and I won't until you tell me. I can't help without knowing anything."

Yusa felt the satisfying grip of anger as she once again felt the refusal to tell him anything. "Why would I?" she snarled. _Good, he doesn't need to know anything. I need to keep myself from blurting everything out..._

"You need help, and you know it."

She swung around to gaze at him. His eyes shone with sincerity and kindness, which only startled her. Why would he genuinely care so much? Shaking her head, she found herself telling him about her. "My parents died when I was young. All I remember of them is the look of their dead bodies, mangled. I was adopted, but they ignore me and don't care. I'm constantly talked about and made fun of, though I don't even know why. No one accepts me, and my friend seems to be loneliness. At least it's consistent," she choked.

Takumi touched her shoulder with his incredibly warm hand. "It'll be okay. Focus on what's happy. That's all," he murmured.

"No! You don't know how it feels!" she screeched, blocking out his words, denying them the power to register inside of her. She had to keep her own mind, not some biased opinion. After all, he had no idea how it would feel. How it does feel.

"How do you know? You don't know me at all!" he snarled, spitting on the ground. He stood up, looming over her. "You can't judge me like you didn't let me judge you!"

Yusa cowered away, quivering. With no more thoughts, she burst from the gazebo into the blinding storm.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter**_ _**8**_

The layers of water in the street splashed as the girl ran blindly through the storm; the boy following her. The rapidly twirling raindrops mingled with the air, blending into an icy chill. This only confused the surroundings more, and at last, the girl, Yusa, relented and settled into the gazebo once again with Takumi.

Yusa's eyes narrowed as she avoided his gaze. Her fingers twitched in annoyance, and her legs quivered in the cold. The silence between them seemed feisty for her, but calm for Takumi, as he stared off gently into the city. An eternal peace seemed to sleep in his eyes, almost dulling them.

A sharp intake ruined the gentle moment as Yusa breathed in. A slight glare echoed in their eyes before Takumi spoke up.

"You know, you don't have it as bad as you think." A rough edge glinted in the corners of his eyes as he gazed at her.

Biting her lip, she turned away. Did she want to know what he meant, or just take it in and pretend she'd learned? Her heart pounded as she asked, "What do you mean?" Her voice was hardly audible as she anticipated his answer.

Small raindrops drifted into the gazebo, splashing onto their clothes. With a lopsided smile, prying into forgotten memories, Takumi gruffly responded, "I grew up with normal parents, living on the outskirts of Tokyo. Then, one day, they supposedly believed I was strong enough. They began to abuse me, hurting me every morning and night for being a burden. Do you know how long this went on?" He paused, providing a moment to think.

Yusa had turned towards him, her eyes wide as she listened. Blinking, she shrugged, acting as if his monologue hadn't affected her just yet. Her hands tucked under her even more as a pang struck through her heart. A heaviness hit rock bottom as she thought about it. But, didn't her so-called parents abuse her too? Only mentally, and now Yusa preferred the reliable physical pain. "Go on," she whispered.

"This went on for a couple of years. By that time, I was sixteen, but no longer a child. Anger had delved into me, carving me into someone who I wasn't. Then, one night, I couldn't take it any longer. I killed my parents in their sleep. I wanted to set myself free from them." His voice shook with fear and pain, remembering the events that had obviously been eating away at him in his loneliness. As Yusa didn't respond, he continued, "I then left the house, unable to face anyone I knew. I dealt with myself, hating myself, hating everything. As each night I reflected, one day I was struck with a realization.

"I had to move on. I was only letting the wounds fester rather than heal. So, here I am today, considered perfectly normal. I think your life would be much better if you let everything go and allowed yourself to be happy."

Yusa shook her head. Thinking deeply, she replied, "That's a sad story, if not inspirational and what not. But it was easier for you to let go. I can't. I've been holding on for too long. You don't think I've tried?" Her breaths slowed, the air fogging as her warm mist exhaled.

"Try again," Takumi responded gruffly.

"I can't."

"Then I'll help you." His blunt offer rang in the air, piercing the cold silence. "I really will."

Yusa's heart pounded as she realized that maybe, her future did have hope. If he had relieved himself of his terrible burden, then perhaps she could be saved. A small smile flickered onto her mouth as she nodded, raising to her feet. Her head ducked just barely below the top of the gazebo, her fluffed out hair brushing the top.

"Let's try to go to your house," he murmured, realizing what she was suggesting.

She nodded, squeezing herself from the thin entrance into the outside world. The brittle cold battered at her clothes, but was melted as Takumi brushed beside her, their hands warming each other. Not refusing, Yusa let herself enjoy the small moment of warmth before they set off into the drenched city.

The storm raged around them, but it seemed that it wasn't able to penetrate through a strange, warm shield that surrounded the two teenagers. No matter the magnitude of the terrible frozen world around them, their content wasn't broken. Now, there seemed to be a warmth that permeated the cold, a light that shone in the darkness, a hope among the lost. But how long could these hopes last?


End file.
